Disclosure: contains hypnotic language which may trance some people.

Monday, February 29, 2016

I was a device to put in sleep mode

Chastity was not too bad during the day with work and all the other distractions. But it was really agonizing late at night. I just couldn’t go to sleep.

So I asked for another Femdom activity. I told Athena to feel free to make me to go to sleep when she was tired, so I couldn't bother her when I was aroused (making her life easier), and I’d work better the next day (relieve her of guilt).

About an hour before my usual sleep time, Athena was sitting on the rocking chair winding down. She never looked in my direction nor lifted her head, then said in her hypnotic voice “Go to bed. Sleep.” I wanted to tell her how excited I was that she took control, but I couldn’t under hypnosis. My body dutifully went to sleep.

I didn’t know how long the time passed. But I drifted awake because I was too aroused. Athena was still sitting on her rocking chair reading. I said in a sleepy voice “I am so horny it’s unbearable, could you…”

I couldn’t even finish my sentence before she said “the more aroused you are, the deeper sleep you will fall.” I lost my consciousness in just a few short seconds.

She never took her eyes off her reading. She had full of authority and confidence in her voice, free of guilt, and she commanded it naturally.

Like turning off a device or an appliance when not needed, Athena told me to go to sleep.

I really wanted sex, but I’ll take this over regular boring sex.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Tetrapyloctomy: the art of splitting hairs four ways

Tetrapyloctomy: the art of splitting hairs four ways. It’s categorized under useless and irrelevant subject.

That’s the theme of this entry. An excuse to procrastinate doing something more important.

What is a dominant? What is a submissive?

I believe the best definition is the person is a dominant/submissive if one feels as the type. It’s defined by the observed, not the observer.

Consider this: Athena tells me to “do the research and then teach me how to dominate you.”

Or this: Athena says “pick a restaurant for lunch.” I reply “If I make the decision then I’m the lead. Why don’t you pick one?” Then Athena says “Why can’t you follow a simple instruction?”

When dominant/submissive is defined by the observer, the logic becomes contradictory and circular.

But when the definition is defined by how the observed feels, the logic works out more consistently.

Defining dominant/submissive is like practicing tetrapyloctomy.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Too weird among kinky people

I realized that Athena was a great service top. I could ask her for anything. As long as I was asking her, not telling her what to do, the D/s dynamic could be preserved. However, I really would like Athena to lead the activities rather than me prompting her all the time.

So I thought perhaps Athena would have fun hanging out with some kinky people. Maybe she could learn how to lead. I looked around on Fetlife. I found a weekly meeting for coffee only minutes away, so I brought it up to Athena. She liked coffee. An early evening in the coffee shop just to relax was something Athena really enjoyed, but had not done in years. She was feeling a bit guilty about it. I assured her that was ok, and the more selfish she became, the happier I would be. I would take care of the kids and tidy up the house that evening. I was already doing that every evening, so one evening a week without her help was no big deal. Athena started looking for an “I’m an evil hypnotist” shirt online, thought that would be fun to wear to these meetings.

It was no more than three or four meetings before Athena decided not to go anymore. She got the feeling that people were not comfortable around her, that our hypnotic activities were not the norm. It was too weird. Ropes, restraints, whips, canes, etc., they were the way to do BDSM. Hypno-fetish? Find your own people to hang out with. The meetings were nice enough. However, there was just this unspoken feeling that Athena was not “one of them.”

I was a bit dismayed by the findings. “If you feel isolated, you don’t need to go to these coffee meetings then,” I stood by Athena’s decision. “I know you really enjoy going for a coffee. Having some alone time to unwind. You can go to a different coffee place. Or go in another time. I’ll take care of things. You deserve it.”

“No, I want to be with you and the children. There will be plenty of time to do that when the children are more independent. That won't be long now,” Athena replied.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Hypnotic chastity defeated me

Since I could wash or scratch myself, I thought maybe I could cheat hypnotic chastity.

I removed soap and shampoo from the shower.

I put some silicon based lubricant on myself. Since silicon lube was extremely difficult to wash off, maybe I could get some pleasure.

It didn’t work. My hands ignored me in the shower. I couldn’t clean myself. I sighed. Totally defeated. Later I reported my finding to Athena.

“Don’t be stupid. I control you.” Athena said in a hypnotic way it went right pass my analytical conscious filter and got absorbed by my unconscious. I felt it. It made her suggestions more effective. I taught her that. Only I wasn’t capable of doing it to anybody.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Vanilla Dominatrix book review

Most of the Femdom, bottoming, or FLR books, I had a hard time applying to our own relationship.

One common theme among these books is that the wife has to do a lot of work. For example, take the time to read these books. What if she doesn’t want read these books? That was the case for Athena. She said, "B, you read these books. Then teach me how to dominate you." Then she refused to do the things described in these books. Too taxing for her.

Vanilla Dominatrix by Giles English was different. It was the only book I found emphasizing on minimizing the overhead for the female partner. It was a short read. I was able to finish it in just a few hours. Then I had hope. I could successfully coach Athena Femdom in the least taxing way for her. Actually I had done many things described in the book, but less systematically. The efficiency of implementing Femdom could been much higher if I read this book earlier.

The book that helped me.
From the book, I started analyzing Athena. She was very open to new ideas. She was willing to try new things out as long as I prepared everything making it easy for her. If she liked it, then she would ask for it again later. Hypnosis, for example. She tried it, then it progressed to hypnotic chastity which I could not get out of later.

I realized that I could ask for kink anytime I want to. In the morning, lunch time, or late at night regardless of Athena’s energy level. She would pander me at least once. Then she would own it if she liked it. We didn’t need any lengthy discussions. Athena didn’t really care why we would enjoy something or not.


Go ahead. Ask for Femdom.
When I first asked Athena to try erotic hypnosis, we talked for less than one minutes before I started teaching her about hypnosis. Our first discussion of FLR wasn’t more than a few minutes. Introducing hypnotic chastity was a short talk too.

It was not topping from the bottom either. I was like a chief presenting a menu for Athena to pick from. Athena didn’t care where I came up with the menu or how I prepared it. She was there to pick and enjoy, and that’s all she wanted to do. The grunt work would be left to me. Except I wasn't a great chief and the menu usually consisted of only one small item.

I felt so liberated. There was a long list of things I wanted to try. All I really needed to do was just to ask. That was all there was to it. If Athena agreed, then it was up to me to make it so easy, so it would happen without Athena lifting a finger. If I could do that, then it would happen.
I summarized my findings from the book to Athena.

“I definitely want to continue. This has been fun, and I feel my life is easier. I think this book is more suitable for us. I mean, more suitable than many other books you have mentioned," Athena said.

I said, "You know, this guy wrote another book for the dominatrix. A book for you to read on how to dominate he."

"You may load into my iPhone." Athena was interested.

This was the first time she asked to read any book Femdom.


She asked for Femdom.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Suffer

The second day in chastity was horrible. I was incredibly horny. At work, I kept calling and texting Athena but no answer. That was not unusual. Sometimes Athena would mute her phone in her purse and forget about it. I needed her to cancel the chastity suggestion.

I was getting so desperate I went into an empty office, arranged the furniture and sofa cushion so I could put my penis in it. I tried to defeat hypnotic chastity. I was not pleasuring myself. The furniture was pleasuring me. I thought I found a loophole. It didn’t work. My unconscious knew what I was up to.

I sat back on the sofa. I thought I could hypnotize myself and remove chastity. So I tried. Didn’t work. It could be undone by Athena only, my unconscious told me.

I ate lunch and concentrated on work so I didn’t think about this chastity business. I began to regret. This was not fun at all. Just a few more hours, then I’d be home. Everything would be back to normal then.

About 2pm or so, Athena texted back a selfie.

orgasm denied continue to suffer
After I texted Athena asking to remove
hypnotic chastity, she sent me a selfie.
She taught herself captioning selfie on her iPhone.

Shit!!! She must've learned the response from the Internet captioned photos I showed her. What was I thinking?

I found myself to be insanely excited and scared simultaneously. When she said this was fun, she meant it. I concluded she didn’t say it to please me.

I was trapped in my own fantasy. Part of me wanted to get out, and part of me wanted to keep going. Very conflicted.

That evening after I tucked the kids in, I asked for release. I was sitting on the bed with a towel ready. “I’m miserable. It’s a mistake.” I complained.

“It’s only the second day. I could go for way longer than that.” Athena’s sex drive was never as high as I wanted her to be.

“You don’t understand. Sometimes I masturbate three, or five times in one night. Please let me have it. This feeling is horrible.” I pleaded.

“What? That many times?” Athena looked surprised.

“Yes. That many times.”

“I never knew it,” Athena replied, “Go to sleep!” as she snapped her finger hypnotizing me, I fell helplessly to sleep in a instant. “Deeper,” Athena added.

“You wanted it. You asked for it. You taught me what to say for the moment like this. This is fun. Too late to regret. Wait until tomorrow night.”

Thursday, February 18, 2016

First day in hypnotic chastity

The hypnotic chastity worked well into the next day. It was a boring typical day. Work kept me distracted that I didn’t really care for chastity, and by the time I got home, after all the chores, I was ready for sleep. I took a few seconds showed Athena some captioned chastity pictures. Just some phrases she could use to deny me, perhaps, tomorrow. “This is fun,” Athena said. I couldn’t tell if she said that to please me, or she genuinely liked it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Hypnotic chastity

After our children recovered, soon everything settled back to vanilla routine. The sense of Femdom or FLR disappeared.

By this time, I had read plenty about male chastity, even hypnotic ones. It sounded really scary to me. But I thought I could always back out if I didn’t like it. So I brought it up to Athena. I took several deep breaths, got up my nerves, and asked “Have you heard about chastity belt?”

“Sure. I read them in stories.”

“How about one for me? I think it will be a fun venture. A hypnotic one. It will be easy.”

“So this is supposed to make you happy? And excited?” Athena didn’t think it made any sense. “Ok. Whatever pleases you. So how do we do it?”

That went well, I thought. The whole conversation didn’t go for more than 30 seconds. Athena was so open minded. I was so lucky to have her.

“How about something really simple. Try ‘From now on, you cannot pleasure yourself.’ If that doesn’t work, then we can pay a professional to do it.”

“Ok. If that’s you want. Sleep. Deeper. Deeper. From now on, you cannot pleasure yourself. You are free to move about now.”

It worked miraculously. I tried to stroke myself, and my hands simply ignored my will. I could scratch itches, or wash myself in the shower, but not to play with myself. I didn’t know how, but my body knew the differences.

I asked Athena to lay on the bed naked and spread her legs wide. I got on top of her. She watched me intensely with curiosity. I gradually lowered myself, just about hairline before entering her, my body stopped and ignored my will. We looked at each other in amazement. “It’s working!”

Then Athena got on her knees on the floor. “Try to put in my mouth.” I stood in front of her, and no matter how hard I tried, my body wouldn’t budge. Athena leaned forward, licked me once, “Try again.” Athena shaped her month into an “O”, on her knees, waiting for me to enter. I still couldn’t. It was the most arousing feeling. I was totally owned.

“Ok… I’ll probably beg for release. Would you deny me for at least three days?”

“If that’s what you want, sure.” Then in her hypnotic voice, “Now come to bed. Sleep.”

Athena last words forced me to sleep. I was so excited that I wasn’t sleepy at all. I kept wondering if it would still work next day. I was so hard that I wanted rough sex with Athena, but her words bounded and gagged me. I could do nothing except laying there helplessly falling asleep.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Wife enjoys mind control

“Go to sleep in the living room couch.”

I was in my sleep when I heard that. I quickly glanced at the clock. It’s 3:00am. My body started moving but my mind was still disoriented. My unconscious was moving my body, not my conscious self. I tried to ask why but I couldn’t speak. I must be in hypnotic state. In a few seconds I was too far away from her to be heard in normal talking volume. So I gave up trying to speak. Athena hypnotized me while I was sleeping. Again.

Later, I drifted awake on the couch. It was still dark outside. I saw her walking toward the kitchen for water. “Why am I sleeping here?” The safety feature of automatically exiting hypnotic state must have worked, I thought. I could speak freely.

“You were snoring.” Then she disappeared away from the kitchen into the darkness.

Next evening, I asked again, “Why the couch? You usually just use hypnosis to stop me snoring.”

“You were waking up Eric, and the bed was getting too crowded.”
“His fever came back, and he threw up again, so I brought him to our bed.”
“You slept through all that. Your unconscious did respond as I suggested to stop you from snoring, but didn’t do a very good job. You snored quieter. So the suggestion happened, just not to my satisfaction. It was just easier to move you to the couch.”
“Of course you didn’t see Eric in the bed when you got up to the couch. I didn’t tell you to look. You were under my control, silly.”

Monday, February 15, 2016

I'm a hypnotic gadget

I'm an electronic hypnotic gadget.

I usually fell asleep before Athena. After Athena learned that I could take hypnotic suggestions while sleeping, in the following nights, she added other things like “remind me to give Eric medicine at 10am tomorrow morning. Call me or text me from work,” or “Add tomato to the shopping list in your head.” I became her personal memo pad.

The girls got sick after Eric, as Athena predicted. It was my turn to stay up and take care of the kids. She went to sleep. I stayed up checking temperatures, fetching water, medicine, tissues, and cleaning up if they puke. Without an alarm, the post hypnotic suggestions woke me up performing scheduled tasks at nights. I still had my smartphone alarm app as a backup if the suggestions weren't effective.

I really would like hypnosis to be erotic rather than used for everyday mundane tasks. But I’ll take Femdom in whatever form I get. It did feel kinky and objectified being used as an memo pad app.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Subconscious in action

Our two year old son, Eric, was sick in the middle of the night. He started crying and throwing up. A light fever too. Athena was woken up from the crying, took Eric to our room to comfort him. He was still throwing up, so Athena took him to the bathroom. I was a heavy sleeper. I slept through all that.

Then I heard my instant trance trigger and it transformed me into a trance state from sleeping. “Please help me,” I heard Athena crying. Her hair was a mess with vomit in it. Her robe was dripping vomit too. There was a trail of vomit leading to where Athena was. Clenching Eric close to her, soothing Eric, Athena was not capable of doing anything else.

“Clean Eric,” Athena directed me softly. I cleaned up both of them with a warm towel. Then I got them changes of clothes. I calmed everyone down, then helped Athena and Eric going to bed. Finally I was on my knees cleaning the bathroom floor.

Eric continued to wake up periodically crying. It was a rough night.

“Because of hypnosis, I was able to wake you in a low voice. You slept through all Eric’s screaming and crying,” Athena told me the next day.
“Jill and Emma will probably get sick from Eric tonight. Can you take care of the children tonight? I cannot go through one more night without sleeping.”
“There is no doubt that your subconscious can hear me, and then respond to me at any time now. While you were sleeping, you jumped right into action when I called out for B.”

“This hypnosis and FLR thing… It’s making my life a lot easier.”

Thursday, February 11, 2016

More FLR symbolisms

I asked for more FLR stuff to satisfy my own cravings. All required almost no effort on Athena’s part.

I thought about a slave uniform, and it needed to be suitable in front of children. The children woke up randomly at night looking for us. Thirsty. Nightmare. Too cold. Too hot. Anyway, the uniform needed to be suitably seen by children. So I proposed an old Casio watch that I had. I would put it on nightly after the children were sleep, and remove it in the morning. It symbolized my status and I asked Athena to treat me like a slave during this time.

Then both my slave name, B, and the Casio watch would be hypnotic triggers. Both would turn me into the state of  “waking trance” as long as it was private and safe. I would talk and act like normal, but robotically obedient to Athena’s biddings. Then revert back to my normal less robotic self automatically after the task is finished. I only asked Athena to be careful and went over some waking trance safety issues.

I didn’t think Athena cared one way or the other. She didn’t have to do anything, and probably had no use for them. They were mostly for my own psychological needs.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Everybody is a boss

At dinner table.
“Kids, listen. Mommy is the Queen of this house.”

 “YAY!!! Mommy is Queen. We are princesses.”
Our two year old son, who didn’t talk yet, clapped.
“What is daddy then?”

 “Um… daddy is just… daddy.”

 “You are daddy’s boss, and daddy is the boss of us???”
 “YAY!!! We have a boss, and daddy has a boss.”
 “You don’t have a boss, Mommy?”
 “In school, we learned that only boss of bosses doesn’t have boss…”
 “Ms. Rosemary she is the boss of bosses in school.”
 “I’m the boss of our little brother. And he is the boss of his toy trucks. Everybody is a boss, and you are boss of bosses.”
"YAY!!! We are all bosses. This is amazing!!!"

Monday, February 8, 2016

Wanting more

Rituals took only few seconds a day soon proved to be unsatisfying. We weren’t willing to make time for kinky sex either. FLR is about more than that right? Thus began my search on activities that could move us more toward FLR yet fitted within our vanilla life.

Random things to do toward FLR

I didn’t really know what I was doing. I thought perhaps the first thing we’d try was to establish Athena’s psychological dominance.

Whatever we did, it had to be with minimal effort on Athena’s part. Many of FLR books recommended starting out small. So I came up these things:
  1. I would get on my knee and kiss Athena’s feet every night. It took only a few seconds.
  2. We would give each other names to signify our relationship. After some discussion, I would call Athena Queen, and she would call me B. We would use them only when we were private and alone. The names were chosen so if we accidentally used them in front of the children it would not cause alarm. Athena had already referred herself as the Queen of the house in front of the children, so this was an easy transition.
  3. We installed a hypnotic trigger that would silence me instantly, forget the conversation topic, and feel blissful. This would give Athena the power to automatically win any argument. Athena did not have the habit of interrupting people from talking. So I would prompt her to use the trigger daily when we talked about trivial stuff, until she felt comfortable using the trigger on her own.
  4. I asked Athena try to express herself more clearly and directly. Often, Athena would express her feelings, wants, or wishes indirectly and leave me guessing. I often guessed wrong.
  5. Athena could stop asking me to do things. Just to order me to do them. Just a subtle tone change in her language.
  6. I would keep prompt Athena to do the above, until she asked me to stop.
  7. We should have a coronation ceremony to signify the D/s relationship. Our kids’ toy tiaras and crowns were all over the house, so this would be an easy task.
A few days later after the kids fell asleep, we did the coronation. It was very anti-climax. We were both so tired the whole ceremony didn’t last more than a few seconds. I put the crown on Athena, got on my knee, and kissed her feet. I was too tired to get any word out. In that few seconds, Athena managed to have several yawns. We both wanted to get it over with and go to sleep, and that’s what we did.

It looked like a long list, but the only things that had any substances were kissing Athena’s foot and the hypnotic silence trigger. They required almost no effort, and took up only a few seconds a day.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Hypnosis in sleep

In the middle of the night, I was sound asleep when Athena woke me up, “Turn and sleep on your stomach.” I turned and fell back asleep.

Next morning I asked, “What was that about?”

Athena was happy and smiled. “Did you know hypnosis works while you sleep? I was pleasantly surprised.”

“No. I didn’t know that. I was under hypnosis? I didn’t feel like it. You woke me up. I complied because you asked. I wanted to turn anyway. Are you sure it was hypnosis? Anyway, why did you ask me to turn?” I said.

Athena said, “You snored too loud. I’m sure it was hypnosis. I shook you and slapped you. You never moved and were still snoring. You kept on sleeping. Nothing woke you up. So I thought I’d talk to your subconscious, and it worked like magic. I didn’t have to lift a finger.”

I still had my doubts. “I don’t know. I think you woke me up, that’s what happened. I’m going to do some research on hypnosis in sleep.”

A movement later Athena put down her coffee. “I just got an idea. Come here to the couch with me. That’s right. Sit right there. Now drop deeply in sleep for me.” Athena gave me a shove and I fell lifelessly on the couch.

As I was dropping, I thought “WTF? The kids will be up any minute now. It’s not time to play.”

Athena kept on going “Deeper. Deeper. Deeper still. I’m talking to you, subconscious. From now on, subconscious, when you snore, you will do whatever you need to do to stop snoring. Got it? Good. Now on three, 1, 2, 3, wake up!”

“That wasn’t a bad idea. Do I really snore that bad? How often do my snores wake you?” I asked.

“Not that often. Couple times a year.” Athena replied.

“O. It will be a while before we know if this would work.” I was a bit disappointed.

“Don’t worry. If it doesn’t, you’ll find yourself sleeping on the couch.” Athena affirmed me.

“You have never, ever asked me to sleep on the couch. I usually do it on my own,” I said.

“Oh I think I will.”

Thursday, February 4, 2016

No help

I bought a bunch e-books on Femdom and FLR. I had great difficulty applying what I’ve read. Almost all of them asked quite a bit of work from the females. They had to practice, change some habits, mindset, be creative and come up with ideas. Athena would not go for any that. Too much work for her. Too much overhead. She just did not have the energy nor the time. There were more important things to do.

“How about a simple wish list?” I asked.

“No, no wish list.” was Athena’s reply. “But I still think I’ll enjoy this Femdom thing. You keep working on it and run new ideas by me.”

Athena rejected the ideas of doing research on her own on the Internet, joining a discussion group, an FLR contract, and all protocols I proposed. She didn’t like the idea of me doing more chores, because I’d have to lose sleep to do them. I was already busy from the moment I get home until we go to sleep.

Our hypnosis session durations were reduced to seconds per week. Once a week, maybe every two weeks, instant trance trigger, Athena would utter a sentence or two to my subconscious, and that would be it. Took only seconds.

I just had to come up with some new ideas moving us toward FLR that takes almost no effort and appeals to Athena. Like the seconds of hypnosis we do every few weeks. Something simple, but significant and symbolic of FLR.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Conspiracy of myself against myself

Eager to get more hypnotic phenomena to work, I bought several files of different things from LeeAllure to try.

One of the techniques Lee used was addressing directly to my unconscious by name explicitly. Such as “I’m talking directly to the unconscious” in the script itself. I enjoyed this technique and wanted to experiment more with it. After all, it worked great in the Pop Quiz game: my unconscious successfully hid knowledges from my conscious self beyond reach.

I think Lee prefers the term unconscious, but I prefer subconscious myself. Unconscious sounded too much like in a coma or dreamless sleep that there would be no brain activities at all. That’s not the case for hypnosis in which there can be lots of brain activities. I don’t know the formal definition of unconscious vs. subconscious. I just use the term I like.

So once or twice a week, when we had time, I asked Athena to talk to my subconscious to form a bond with him. I paraphrased Lee’s words and used some of my own. Such as “subconscious, you enjoy me talking directly to you,” “nobody acknowledges your existence except me.” The basic idea was for Athena to make good impressions with my subconscious to form a bond. Like courting. We didn’t really do anything else with it, since we didn’t have the time and would rather be sleeping. The bonding suggestions took only a few seconds; the length of time to utter a sentence or two. We did it before we went to sleep.

I remember reading psychologist Carl Jung stated something like this: the evidence of subconscious existence is overwhelming. There is no debate of its existence. However, it is extremely difficult to observe it directly. Furthermore, the problem is much like quantum physics or subatomic particles, the observed is not independent of the observer. The subconscious knows when it’s being observed, and may hide information, lie, or distort the outcome.

What Jung didn’t say, is that unlike many other branches of science, subconscious is something that we can look introspectively. Everybody has a subconscious with them all the time. We don’t need to build a Mars Rover. I could easily ask myself: How did I feel about that? Did I like it? What would I do differently? Would I want to try something else?

I began to feel the presence of my subconscious after Athena repeated talking directly to him like a separate entity. My subconscious started to manifest itself. I started to notice sometimes, my subconscious would have his own preference, different from my conscious self. Such as preference of chicken sandwich vs. hamburger. But mainly my subconscious was incredibly loyal and obedient to Athena. More so than my conscious self would. And more so than obedience to me. My subconscious self would do things to me, against my conscious self, for Athena.

I almost feel that I have multiple personalities. Except that we are aware of each other’s presence. And we share memories. As in Pop Quiz showed, my subconscious can block access to my memory from my conscious self temporarily. My conscious self is not bothered though. Every time certain memory is blocked, I can hear my subconscious assuring that it’s ok, because it’s only temporary, only for fun, the memory is always there for me to access if I really need to. The loyalty may be to Athena, but he will always be protective of me too. The assurance from my subconscious feels comforting and safe.

At times I felt there was a conspiracy forming though. It would be a conspiracy formed by my subconscious self against my conscious self. My subconscious was recruiting Athena, conspiring with her, to do things to me. It would be kinky, sexy, daring, and exciting. My subconscious hadn’t figured out what to do yet, but that's what he wanted, and he was letting my conscious self know.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Perspective

diaper
Daddy's diaper bag
The same action can be dominant or submissive. For example, carrying children's diaper bag. It was a dominant act. “You will give it to me. I carry it. I want to help you.” It was my decision and Athena had no say in it. After we decided to embark on FLR, “You keep on carrying it,” Athena would say. My discovery of dominant/submissive was how one felt, rather than what one did.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Vanilla Female Led Relationship and Femdom

I was interested in a D/s relationship, me being the dominant, more so than hypnosis. The whole idea of hypnosis was to hypnotize Athena into a kinky sex bot. But that was not how it turned out. First, I couldn’t hypnotize Athena. She hypnotized me. Second, I found it difficult to manage dominance while being hypnotized.

I thought me being the bottom would also be fun, so I started my research. I didn’t find books or Internet to be very helpful. Whatever I wanted to do, it had to take up almost no time. In the BDSM culture, the scenes looked very time consuming. However, FLR, or Female Led Relationship, looked promising. I thought there were a lot of little things that could take up almost no time but kinky in nature.

By this time, I knew Athena was very open to new ideas, so I had no trouble bringing FLR up to Athena. I didn’t have to explain too much. She got the gist of it in minutes.

“Well, I think it would be a good idea. It sounds like it would make my life easier. But I’m skeptical on what we can do about it. I mean, what actionable items we can do.”

“Your whole paycheck already goes to me. The credit cards are under my name.”

“When we go out, you carry the diaper bag.”

“You do chores late into the night. We both do. I cannot add anymore to you.”

“I mean, you don’t even watch TV. When was the last time the TV was on for you? Take a minute and think.”

“I can’t remember. Can you? When was the TV on for you?”

“I hate protocols. They get in the way. Open doors for me? No. We both agreed we open them for the children first. Especially car doors, for safety reasons. You know it’s quite a project to seat all the children in the car. It would be silly for me to wait while you seat the children. What if it’s raining? Should I wait in the rain while you take care of the children?”

“Permissions to leave table? What if we are in a restaurant, and I’m in the bathroom, and the children also need to go? They can’t wait. Our youngest is still in potty training.”

“You are not going to cook. You have to work.”

“Sure, I’d like to be pampered. But when do I have to time? Or you? I don’t want to make time. The trade-offs are not worth it.”

"Wait a minute. Now I think of it, besides the kinky stuff, what's the difference between FLR and what we have?"

We were already in FLR without trying? Or knowing what it was? Vanilla favored FLR? Is that a thing?

More vanilla

Our weekends were completely booked. Saturdays would be taking our daughter to her string quartet practice. Sundays would be procuring food and chores. Week nights were filled with schooling kids and chores. I told Athena I gave up being the hypnotist completely. At least for now. We simply didn’t have the time. Athena was a bit disappointed. She really wanted to experience being hypnotized.

I wanted to continue to be more skillful and know more about hypnosis. I would keep studying up on it when I had time, and I would teach Athena whenever I could. We would still be doing hypnosis and keep improving our skills. But at least for the next few years, I’d have to be confined to be the subject, and Athena the hypnotist.

Athena didn’t want to give up hypnosis either. She thought it had been great fun, and encouraged me to keep trying coming up kinky ideas that would work for us.